This isn’t exactly a photography-centric post. But it is about my current state of affairs, and since I am Poppie Studios, I think it’s worth sharing. Hopefully, if you’re experiencing a bad case of the Wednesday Woes, you’ll find a little inspiration to get you back on the happy track.
So as I’m thinking about everything that needs done today, tomorrow and over the course of the next month my oatmeal boiled over in the microwave… neat. After a few whispered words of dismay I pulled the glass plate out of the microwave (which I had just cleaned no less) and began scooping my oatmeal back into the cup – because I was not going to waste my blueberry cranberry steel cut oats! I was hangry! While hangerly flinging the oatmeal around, a little blob landed on my hand and burned me… awesome.
But then I laughed at myself. How ridiculous am I? Here I am, getting mad at some hot oatmeal because it interrupted my “woe is me” party. That’s when I realized: we all have moments of doubt. Self-deprecation. Dare I say, depression? How we grow from these moments is what makes a world of difference.
I’ve got a lot going on right now. Don’t we all? But the majority of it, I love doing. I’m growing my business. Every day I get to do something that makes me happy. Photography. Graphic design. Being creative. Volunteering at the animal shelter. Those are the things that I love doing because they never feel like a chore.
What weighs me down, and makes it difficult for me to remember how much positivity I have in my life, are all those things that don’t involve photography, graphic design or creativity. Doing dishes. Hitting the gym. Training for my half marathon. Laundry… barf. It’s hard to find the motivation. Therefore it’s hard to be dedicated to those things. And when I don’t tackle those things, I feel defeated. Talk about a vicious cycle!
I misplaced my FitBit about 3 weeks ago. I’ve yet to find it. Every time I look at the tan line marking the place it used to sit on my wrist, I feel a little bit like a failure. I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks either. Or done yoga at night. Another dig at my self-loathing. Dishes and laundry pile up, silently nagging at me day after day. Training for my marathon isn’t easy. My mom and boyfriend will be doing it with me for the third year in a row. How fun, right?! Except I’m out there struggling every single weekend to get my miles in, knowing that if I don’t, then I won’t be mentally prepared to finish the race with a positive attitude. Mom says she’s ready. Tim could run a marathon without any training and still go faster than me. Lame. So every weekend, as I’m lacing up my sneakers, putting on my visor, lip balm, sunscreen and mapping out my route, I’m mentally exhausted before I even get out the door. Because I worry that if I miss just one day of training, or am a half mile short, then I’m a failure. And that many miles consumes so much of my time. I feel like it’s taking away from time that I could be doing something that makes me happy. Like napping. Or baking. Or binge-watching TV.
For what purpose am I walking that many miles? I don’t know. I feel accomplished. But not the same kind of happy like I feel after an awesome photo shoot. Or after I create a new marketing piece. Or after I find out a pup I worked with at the shelter gets adopted. Those things leave me feeling full and awesome.
It’s a mental shift, no doubt. There are so many benefits to walking. And doing yoga. And doing my chiropractic stretches. All of those things make me healthy physically. Photo shoots, graphic design and puppies make me happy mentally. Walking, yoga and a clean house make me happy too. It’s a different kind of happy. An accomplished happy. And really, any kind of happy will always trump sadness or self-loathing.
I’ve got a dry-erase board, right next to my bed, where I’m going to start writing every night three things I want to accomplish the next day. I’m also going to write something inspirational to give me the right attitude to accomplish those goals. My awesome business coaches firmly believe in the benefits of doing this. And you know what? I think they’re on to something.
Maybe things aren’t as bad as I’ve convinced myself they were…
Now if you’ll excuse me, my oatmeal is finally cool enough to eat.